


If I Seem Afraid

by aussenrist15



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Euro 2016, German National Team, Locker Room, M/M, Post-Match
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 18:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7543786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aussenrist15/pseuds/aussenrist15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Set right after the Euro 2016 quarterfinals against Italy.</i>
</p><p>Mats and Benni celebrated their win on the pitch and in the locker room, but that wasn't the only thing on Mats' mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Seem Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> i've never written fic before, so comments and/or con crit is much appreciated! the title is a line from "these days" by drake.
> 
> beta'd by the wonderful [sarah (colorsfade2gray)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/colorsfade2gray/), thank u again <3
> 
> this took me ten years to write, but it's based off of [this photo.](http://66.media.tumblr.com/9d16b9730671341b8c3a7567190cba29/tumblr_o9qzfteFtb1v41afyo1_1280.png)

Penalties - perhaps the most cruel thing to happen to man. Mats couldn’t believe how fast his heart was beating after they had failed to score another one against the Italians. Hearing the sounds of the referee’s whistle confirmed the dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach, and the first thing he wanted to do was nuzzle his head into Benedikt’s arms until after it was over. But he couldn’t, not here at least.

He couldn’t bear to watch any of the penalties after his turn, so he quickly scuttled back to his spot beside Benni and Joshua after netting his penalty, before squeezing his eyes closed. The others were silent for a few minutes, and all he could hear was either a roar, or the deafening silence. Once he heard his teammates shouting, it was definitely a good sign that there wasn’t much of a need to hold his breath any more.

Mats couldn’t believe it! Die Mannschaft, the Mannschaft that had to wait nine matches, had finally beat Italy in an international competition. It felt like he had been holding his breath for an hour, breathing had felt more like a high at this point. It somehow hadn’t processed in his mind that  _ they  _ won, that they’re the ones making it to the semi-finals! Dancing and cheering with the crowd, as well as with the other Mannschaft players, was exactly how he had pictured it - there was no feeling better than feeling the excitement radiating off of their section of the stadium. 

It wasn’t long before he felt someone wrap his arms around his chest. Mats didn’t even have to look to see who it was; he was already accustomed to the familiar scent that was infused with sweat and adrenaline. 

“Matsi!” Benni had cried out, voice muffled from nuzzling into Mats’ chest. There were no words that felt appropriate to express his joy; he could only wrap his own arms around the elder.

“Benni, Benni! We did it!” Mats exclaimed. He considered screaming until he lost his voice, but there was something that had distracted him from doing just that. The hazel-eyed man’s grip had loosened, before reaching up to clasp Mats’ cheeks. In that moment, time had felt like it slowed down as he was inches away from Benni - he was so tempted to give the Schalke captain a kiss right then.

As soon as the moment started, Mats’ little bubble of an alternative reality was popped as he felt Joshua’s hand on his shoulder, reminding him of the tens of thousands of people that were still watching. He couldn’t blame the boy, and soon-to-be club teammate, for being high with euphoria - it reminded him of his first time playing the Euros.

Being transported back to reality, he was surprised at how his heart was still thumping against his chest. Mats’ emotions were all over the place, and it overwhelmed him. Noticing that the others had started heading back to the locker room, he took that as a queue to follow, nudging Benni and grinned widely.

Mats took the time to sort out his emotions during the long walk back to the locker room, although he was more annoyed that his interpretation and expression of emotions were in two extremes - either he felt so much that he was sure his brain would explode, or felt nothing at all, except maybe the deep hole of where his emotions should be.

The raven-haired man still continued to chat with Benni, about their plans once they arrived back at their base camp, and arranged one to watch a movie later. It felt a lot like small talk, but Mats hadn’t paid much mind to it since he needed to seem normal by the time they hit the showers.

He was convinced that this whole thing must’ve been a plot out to kill him or something, since he had a difficult time rationalizing the several shades of emotions that had coursed through his veins in the past twenty minutes. (But wait, what kind of normal human has to  _ rationalize _ this shit?!)

By the time his clothes were strewn in his cubby, Mats had already gone through the seven stages of grief as Benni was in the shower with the others. Suddenly, he felt self-conscious, and contemplated the idea of taking a shower now or once Benni had gotten out to prevent any kinds of situations that would lead to him making a fool out of himself. Either way, it’s not like he hadn’t seen Benni’s junk before - at this point he could probably identify at least half of the squad by either their front or back ends. He wished he couldn’t, but his brain just loved being observant and noticing all the little things (or in this case, some big things).

With a huff, he sat down and rummaged through his bag to look for his phone to distract himself from the thousands of possibilities running through his mind. Ah yes, Candy Crush was the perfect distraction - if only some of these candies didn’t remind him of phalluses.

Anyways, Mats was snapped out of his little bubble once more when he felt a hand on his shoulder, pushing his back upright. He was sure that if he leaned down enough, he’d tumble onto the cold, hard floor. The scent of his favourite musky shampoo had enveloped his senses, raising a brow and lifting his head up to see that a towel wrapped around his favourite person’s waist - and conveniently the only person he was dreading. All the blood had probably drained from his face, or at least that’s what it felt like. To compensate, he offered a small smile, which had caused Benni to grow a worried expression on his face. Not that he should be concerned as to why Mats liked sitting on a bench in his underwear, playing Candy Crush, and being smelly instead of smelling like fresh laundry. God, some people just can’t mind their own god damn business.

“Matsi, I swear you were so close to ruining your back. What’s wrong?” The dirty blond asked, taking a seat beside the younger man. Thankfully, that made this encounter less intimidating (since the only other time he could really say that he was intimidated was when they had met during their U-21 days).

Mats thanked all the cosmic forces that Benni hadn’t chided him about what Jogi would’ve said if their coach had witnessed the situation. With a sigh of relief, the younger man had thrown his hands up and pursed his lips to think of an excuse.

“Listen, I was just thinking about the game,” He began, slipping his phone back into his bag. “And it just feels so unreal, you know?”

Benni cocked a brow, before letting out a soft chuckle and shaking his head. “So much that the first thing you had to do when you got back was play a game?” He teased, folding his arms over his chest.

Mats pouted for a moment, before nodding. “Of course, plus the showers were crowded.” He added, noticing a few men emerge from the showers, while others were taking selfies, and turned to meet Benni’s bright hazel eyes. After a short pause, Mats finally felt the courage to speak up about the pressure he felt in his chest.   
  
"Candy Crush just channels my energy," Mats spoke, with a small grin. 

Their qualification meant he'd be able to spend more time with Benni, but that was something he just realized, and would probably never admit to. There was a fluttering feeling in his chest that probably needed addressing, though he was fearful that the hazel-eyed man hadn't shared the same feeling.   
  
"I-" Benni began, before Mats had cut him off, leaning in to cupping his chin, and caught his lips in a soft kiss.   
  
Fear shot through Mats' veins as he felt Benni freeze for three seconds (not that he was counting or anything) before the blond kissed back, this time with more force.   
  
Never in a million years did he think that his first kiss with Benni would be shared in the locker room, while Mats was still sweaty, sticky, and definitely in need of a shower.   
  
Benni broke the kiss first with a giggle, before hitting the raven-haired man gently. "Now, go shower. I don't want your smell rubbing off on me."


End file.
